Unwanted Bliss
by TheIrishMidget
Summary: After Pip dies God choses him to become his assistant. But unknown to Pip the job involves regular encounters from a certain antichrist.
1. Chapter 1

The light was so bright. The boy who witnessed it couldn't tell where he was, what the light was and where it was coming from. And he couldn't tell who was saying his name.

'PHILLIP! PHILLIP ARE YOU THERE?' a voice cried in desperation. 'PIP IT'S ME! JUST ANSWER ME! PLEASE!'

A boy named Phillip had just passed away. Well you wouldn't really call being squashed by a giant Barbra Streisand 'passing away'.

'Hello? Who is calling me? It is I Pip' - _You are being judged my child, now please sit back relax and enjoy the free snack table beside the water softener-_

'Oh but I cannot see' _–Oh sorry my bad dude- _

The boy saw the light retreat and could see again. He was in some form of waiting room with a long table and lots of chairs surrounding it. On every other chair was a person on it.

'Why these chaps are quite peculiar, perhaps I'll stand' Pip said, _-nonsense dear one sit down and wait for you're turn to be called' _Pip turned to where the voice was coming from. It was a bald man, wearing a toga and was holding and speaking into a microphone.

'Oh but do tell me kind sir where am I?' _-You're in the waiting room to get into heaven my child- _the man said speaking into his microphone.

'Oh my! Like the one the Bible speaks of?' asked Pip in an excited manor. _–Well yes and no you see dear one heaven is reserved for Mormons only-_

'Oh dear but, why am I here as I am a Catholic?' _-Ah well there's a special role in heaven that only special people may fill and well that's why you are here dear Phillip- _said the toga wearing man into his microphone.

'Oh really what is this job? And if it is for me why am I waiting to get into heaven?' _–Well you and all the following have been killed for a special role or as you say a job. This job is to be Our Lords personal assistant! You will be his link between all those on earth. You will also-_

'Excuse me dear fellow but why am I being chosen for God's personal assistant? Doesn't he have plenty of Mormons to do his work for him?' Pip enquired. The man sighed. _-Look kid I've got to be Frank with you. The Mormons… Each one is a pussy dude._

_God can't get them do anything that will break their precious fingernails. God needed someone with true guts. And seeing how you put up with those 4__th__ graders… Wow that's the type of guts God needs for this job-_

Pip felt honoured at the chance to please God, even though he had made his life hell. Hopefully doing this for him will make it all better.

He sat down at the long table after taking some tea from the snack table and cookies to accompany it. To his right was a man with shoulder length greasy black hair and bulging muscles who was reading a playboy or another equally naughty magazine.

To his left was a late teenage girl who had a very spotty face and a black eye. Nothing stood out about her except when Pip said hello to the girl she touched is tea with her hands and it turned to blood.

'Oh well thank you for doing that but I'm afraid that is a somewhat acquired taste.' The girl turned her head to face him and grabbed he teacup and drank it in a single gulp.

Pip just stared at the girl, no idea whether to comment on her strange habits. He decided he'd better not.

A voice called for Pip. Pip expected it to be the man wearing a toga but it was a different man… Also wearing a toga. He wasn't bald but very young, and fairly good looking with some small stubble on his chin.

'You are Pip I take it?' The man said smiling a genuine smile. Pip loved smiles. He rarely saw a genuine smile back on earth. Or where is once was. Or still is. To be quite honest Pip still didn't really know where he was.

'Just follow me son.' Pip hopped of his chair and followed the man. He didn't turn around to say goodbye to the people behind him he usually would, but they all seemed to be grateful of his leave.

'Through here', the man waved his hand and a huge golden double door appeared out of nowhere. It was well over three times as big as the Blonde, and was covered in beautiful designs.

Pip could have sworn that these patterns were moving.

They were silver and gold angels with harps, trumpets and violins. All of every age and had beautiful wings just like the ones in famous paintings. They had white luminous feathers that reflected the gold and silver perfectly.

Pip's mouth was open in awe and wasn't aware he had muttered to himself. 'Oh my' 'Pardon?' 'Oh- err, nothing I was just admired the door. Were are we going again dear chap?'

'Oh my fine fellow. To see God! You will be tested to see if you are worthy of his messenger, his right-hand-man.' The man said looking at Pip.

'But if Mormons can't be this … messenger why couldn't Jesus sir?' Pip enquired. 'Well The Lord is busy right now as his TV show is in the middle of it's run. But when he is finished he will return to his father and you will no longer be needed.'

'Oh… So this job is only a part time role.' Pip said sadly. He was starting to want this job. He owed God so much… For some reason, given God has done nothing for him!

'Oh but if you do a good job he might conceder letting you into heaven. He has let the rare non-Mormon through.' The man said.

'Oh really? Pip asked, his heart racing. He could only dream of entering heaven, and if he did the job well. He would be resting in heaven whilst all of the people who hated him were in hell.

'Yes, now just stand back a bit.' The man moved to the centre of the door and Pip did as commanded. He pushed both door back so they could open and sure enough they did.

And Pip could see all the designs and angels fly off the door and surrounded Pip until all he could see was a white light.

'PIP? PHILLIP COME ON YOU HAVE GOT HE HEAR ME! PLEASE ANSWER ME!'

'Huh?' Pip said. He opened his eyes. He was flat on his back and lying on something… comfortable. He sat up and looked at where he was sitting. The first thing he realised was that the skins on his hands were lighter.

He was a pale enough boy but had very red hands and very red cheeks. His hands were no longer red when he sat up and looked at them.

He pushed up his sleeves to his elbows to check his arms. All his freckles were gone. Every one. He then realised that his clothes had changed. Before he was wearing a bright red jacket and a long sleeved shirt with a 234 bow tie.

He had long shorts, which were very faded and dirty, along long white socks and 234 shoes.

He was now wearing just a plain grey cotton shirt, a simpler grey jacket and a pair of similar long shorts to the ones he had been wearing previously.

In fact, all these new clothes were identical to the way he would have dressed if he were alive. The clothes were a bright colour of grey. Not dark and dull, but simple and quaint.

Pip would normally add large knee length socks and an overly sized bow tie, but here he had neither.

He noticed no blonde fringe in his eyes. Which could only mean he wasn't wearing his regular hat. Reaching up and feeling his head only confirmed this.

He also had no shoes on, but rather strangely didn't feel any coldness in his feet.

Pip thought as to why he didn't notice his change of wardrobe earlier when he woke up. He stood up in his bare feet and realised that he was in a palace, a palace in heaven.

There were so many people. The place had no walls but had never ending gold carpets and pillars; it was bigger than any place Pip had ever seen in his life. It was no walls just had a sky as it's ceiling, it looked like every beautiful sunset Pip had seen rolled into one.

He looked up and saw children with white wings that moved like waving cloth. They were chasing each other and laughing and crying with delight.

Pip wished to be as happy as those children seemed to be.

He heard a choir of voices and music of an orchestra. With cellos, trumpets, harps, drums every instrument he could think of he heard. Even some made a sound not known to human ears.

Pure bliss.

Pip's smile was so full of joy he couldn't explain it. He was so happy; he didn't want to leave here. It was just so perfect. He thought about how God wanted him to do a job and if it meant he would get to live here he would do it.

He would do ANYTHING to live here.

Anything.

'PIP? PIP DON'T DO THIS PIP YOU'VE GOT TO LISTEN TO ME RIGHT NOW!'

'Huh? Who-who is speaking?' Pip asked he voice turning his body to find the voice. The voice was different that heaven and all it's happiness contempt. It was pleading. Pleading to Pip, it needed Pip. What? He didn't know.

'It is I little Pip, you made it here in once piece I seem' said a different voice. The young man from earlier. He had changed considerably. He stood taller and shoulders back.

His hair was groomed to perfection and his face was shaved with no sign of stubble. But the biggest difference of all was the fact there was two wings spouting from the top of his back.

Pip stared at these for about a second. He hated it when people stared at him, and didn't want this man to feel the same hatred for him.

'You are an angel sir?' 'Yes Pip I see you like it's features' He glanced at his wings.

They were large and folded, as you would see in statues Pip saw in church. They were very real. He couldn't believe they were really there. Everything else seemed too unnatural to Pip, but they were as real as he was.

'Oh yes they are splendid! Quite extraordinary' The man chuckled slightly, 'Come on now lad lets take to you're test' He held out his arm so that Pip could hold on to him.

Pip rather reluctantly held on to him. He didn't know what they were doing or if he wanted to see God just yet. He was nervous and was worried about disappointing God.

'What is going to happen old chap?' 'I'm afraid I can not tell you Pip you must decide what is your answer on your own with no help from others.'

'But, couldn't you at least tell me where I'm going to-'Come' His wings unfolded suddenly and started to flap. Just after landing off the ground, Pip rapped his arms and legs around the man as he feared for his life.

'Oh Pip look where you are! There is no need to be afraid just link my arm and we will be there in no time' Pip calmed down when he thought about it. He was dead!

He couldn't die again.

And God wouldn't let him fall, as he needed him for a job, or at least to see if he is suitable for the job.

Pip let go of clinging to the man and linked his arm like he said. When he flew, he felt like that one Christmas movie with the kid and the snowman.

Pip felt silly for being nervous, as he had seen God before and knew what he looked like.

But even so… He couldn't help the sickness feeling in his stomach.

They flew through various clouds and gold roman style buildings, until they reached their destination. They arrived at another door. Identical to the one Pip went through earlier except; this door was bigger than the Empire State Building.

Pip had never seen the Empire State Buildings but from what his teacher had taught, it was bigger than George Clooney and Tiger Woods dicks put together in one massive orgy.

'PIP DO NOT OPEN THAT DOOR' 'You can go in now just open the door' 'PIP I'M SERIOUS DON'T DO IT YOU'LL REGRET IT' 

Pip heard the voice again. Angrier then he had ever heard it. Before it was anger and helplessness. Now the voice was out to scare into getting what it wanted. Shivers ran down his spine and his heart was pounding to match his sweaty palms.

Pip looked down his bare feet. He mumbled to himself. More to the voice he was hearing.

'I'm doing this. I want to please God. I'm doing this. For God'

'No… Pip…'

'Thank you for taking me here kind sir, I hope to see you soon as Gods personal assistant' Pip said. Trying to hide the wobbliness of his voice. He was so used to covering up his emotions and put on a smiling face, that it was now second nature to him.

The man looked on Pip with some concern. The boy seemed to be talking to himself, or rather someone who wasn't there.

'All right then on you go. And good luck Pip.' He beckoned him inside and Pip once again pushed open the door and it parted just as easily as before. The craved deigns on gold and silver flew off its frame and smother Pip in the same pleasant way as before.

He found himself not however greeted by the same light as before, a room greeted him. It was his classroom or at least highly resembled his classroom.

Each desk was there. He could remember exactly where every boy and every girl sat. He always sat at the front. He found it quite uneasy sitting there as he felt each of his classmates were staring at him and mocking him. He knew they were.

The wall had the same posters of multiplication and division, sharing is caring and lots of others he recalled spotting in his personal hellhole.

He saw the blackboard and the teacher desk. The same as before no changes there…

So why did Pip feel like something was missing or different?

When he thought his only two answers were that there were no children in the room, also he was used to seeing the classroom from his desk.

He decided to test both theories and walked over to sit down at his usual spot. Once he sat down he heard a school bell start to ring. He looked up at the bell that was in the classroom but yet he saw no movement in said bell.

He heard voices coming from the hallway. It was the voices you would hear if you came into the school at recess and hear the chatter of pupils in the hallway.

The then heard voices coming from the seats behind him. He heard squeals and giggles from the chairs of the girls and shouts and arguments from the boys. He was the only person in the room as he couldn't see a single other soul. Yet heard the voices of those who tormented him.

'All right children lets take our seats' Pip wasn't insane. So why was he hearing his homosexual teacher? 'Now before we start today's lesson who took a huge dump in the back seat of my car?'

Pip was astounded, it sounded exactly like him. No mistake that either Mr Garrison was hiding somewhere or there was some recorder device. 'Oh um Mr Garrison I saw Pip take a shit in a red car. He really seemed to enjoy it too sir.'

Cartman? That was Cartmans voice. No person could copy Cartmans voice (well except that one guy…) 'PIP DID YOU DO THIS! I KNEW IT YOU STUPID FRENCH PUSSY YOU CAN GO STRIAGHT TO THE PRINCIPAL THIS INSTANT!'

'But sir I-' 'NOW' Pip felt his heart sped up. His eyes fill with water and his nose start to run.

A pain spread across his back into his chest, tightening him up. His heart feeling squished into a small pulp.

He knew this pain. Greeted it as an unwelcomed friend. He experienced this pain every day of his life, and now his after life. **'Oh Pip please let the pain leave you, tell it… Tell it to go!'**

'G-g-GO!' Pip suddenly felt the pain escape; it was as if his body was a small dark room, and suddenly a door opened to let light shine in. He felt all the pain rush to his upper back and leave him.

His lips formed a smile and found it impossible to describe the feeling. The feeling of bliss, just like back in heaven, no troubles only bliss. **'Pip I congratulate you personally, you have passed the test.'**

Pip turned and found God standing in front of his school desk and smiling at Pip. He

Even though he respected and loved God he really didn't like how he looked. I mean if you saw God you would know.

'Huh? That was it? No big dramatic Michael Bay scene with guns and flashing lights and a huge budget?' **'No dear Pip because I don't want a huge dramatic test that only a huge over rated over paid Hollywood movie start could pass. I wanted a test that you would personally struggle with, that you could over come on a regular basis. I wanted to see if you could cope with this torment every day, as if you take this job that is its risks.'**

'Well um Sir God, I always go through that what makes me stand out from all the other people you've tested for this job' **'Simple. No of them had to deal with Eric Cartman'**

'Oh, well that makes sense.'

'**So are you ready Pip' **'Oh ready as I'll ever be Sir, but um what does this job mean really. What will I be doing' **'All of Jesus jobs, everything I couldn't do.' **'Right but, what does that involve?'

'**Oh! Well um attending parties at the Vatican once in a while… Healing people in Lourdes… ****sending messages to and from hell****'**

'What?' **'What?' **'What did you just say?'

'**I didn't say anything.' **'But I heard you, you said something about hell.'

'**No I didn't.' **'Yes you did' **'Would I lie to you?' **'… No' **'So that's good then will you take the job?'**

'… But what did you just say?' **'Oh it was nothing-just I needed to buy milk from the store later- will you take the job?' **'Sure…'

'**Great! I'll just get the papers!' **With that God snapped his weirdly shaped fingers, and the room disappeared which resulted in Pip falling out of his chair on to solid ground.

They were in the same waiting room with the long business-y looking table and the snack table by the water softener. The only difference was that there were no people on any of the chairs and no man dressed in a toga talking into a microphone.

When Pip was examining the changes God appeared out of nowhere and carried with him a huge bundle of papers. **'Just sign of these pages' **

- I can't believe it. I just can't- Pip thought to himself. –OH BOY! This is going to be pure splendid I just know it! -

'If only you knew what you just agreed to my friend. I'll see you soon, and remember that I warned you not to do this.'

'**All right we're done! Congratulations Pip now you are my personal assistant Bob here will show you where you will stay and tomorrow your work will begin'**

-I don't know if that's a good or bad thing-

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><p>THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING!<p>

So I am in an exam year and I haven't studied… Like at all so I probably won't update soon. BUT! I will update because I really like this story. I do have another story I'm in the process of writing so it'll be while.

If you enjoyed this story please review


	2. Chapter 2

Unwanted Bliss

Chapter two.

Thank you guys for the all the reviews, alerts and favourites! I'm really happy that people like this story and I promise there will be no spelling errors in this chapter.

If a wrong word comes on the screen I'll be like 'YOU SHALL NOT PASS!' It will then go off and cry in a corner.

I don't own South Park and this is a Damien x Pip story don't like slash you can GEET out!

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><p>'Here take this then' the man said with a growl, and threw a bundle of cloth at Pip. According to God and his nametag his name was Bob and a very grumpy Bob at that.<p>

'Oh what are these old chap?' 'You're clothes idiot! You can't go around looking like that! Also before tomorrow you must have a bath. You cannot appear before all of heaven, and give you're opening speech, looking like you just spent an hour rolling in dirt!'

Pip looked at his clothes they were perfectly clean. He had gotten blood and dirt on his previous clothes after dying but that's what happens when a giant crooked nosed singer crushes you.

He didn't know what the man was talking about and was about to ask him until he realised they had stopped walking.

The were walking down a long corridor with no walls as-per usual but this time instead of pillars that were seen there were longs paintings. Icons even, very gloomy. Pip expected bright vibrant beautiful things in heaven. They did have a constant sunset and gold and marble pillars so I guess gloomy paintings was ok.

They stopped walking in front of a door. A door made of solid oak wood and gold frames around the edges of each of the four panels. The man opened the door and seemed to be a flat of some sort.

'Everything inside is yours no rent no fee just relax, eat and get sleep. You don't need a key, no one will take any of your stuff and we'll wake you up in the morning,' with that the man beckoned Pip inside and slammed the door after him.

The first thing Pip noticed was how homey it was. It was a big flat but had an inviting cosy feel. He entered a hall first with a wooden floor and a red carpet running down along. It had walls compared to the rest of heaven which was just air.

In the hall way was a lovely chandelier. Not overly huge but not overly small either. There were three doors in the hall way and all three were the same type of door as the front door.

The first room was the living room with red walls, alit stone fireplace and a long white leather couch, which Pip was dying to sit into. He had a long and stressful day, or night, or … He was tired after dying and wanted rest.

A large 40-inch TV above the fireplace complete with an Xbox, Wii, Play station 3 and various game consoles that Pip had never seen before. Pip opened a door in the living room and found a dining room. He also found that the second door in the hall led to this room because it had another door.

It was quite a large room with a large rectangle table with one chair at it. The walls were covered with decorate wallpaper that would be in a modern house design magazine.

The first and only real thing Pip noticed were the sliver plates of food. 'FOOD! Pip cried in joy. 'Chicken, potatoes, gravy-OH MY FOOD!' He was starved. He sat down and ate so quickly and so unmannerly that when he was finally finished everything he felt as if he deserved a punishment for eating so rudely.

His sister always beat him if he was ill mannered, even though she was ill mannered herself.

Quite hypocritical Pip often thought.

After having found the kitchen and washing and drying all the dishes, Pip decided to wander his lovely flat some more. He found his bedroom which was a luxurious king sized bed with a canopy. Pip upon seeing his bed felt the canopy was quite unnecessary but wouldn't mention it to anyone.

He explored some more and found the bathroom. Not just a bathroom A SPA. There was the biggest shower you've ever seen, two sinks with a long mirror you would only find in posh hotels. He had as big a bath as the one from the 4th Harry Potter movie.

Pip was excited about this bath, as he never had a proper bath before.

His sister would strip him naked and throw freezing cold water at him. He hated his sister and the more he thought about it, the happier he was dead so he was away from her.

He turned on the very large tap and waited for the bath to fill up. He got quite bored so he played Knect on the Xbox. He found he was good at dancing or at least the game told him he was.

He went in to check and the bath was filled and so he had to turn off the tap. The only problem was that he never filled a bath before, let alone a bath that size. So as a result he didn't put enough cold water in and so the room was filled with steam.

He eventually found he way over to the taps and didn't manage to fall into the deep pool that he created. He then undressed and neatly folded his new grey clothes in a pile and would hang them up in the wardrobe after.

He tried to step in without realising that he couldn't reach the bottom. His foot that was on the baths edge slipped and he thudded into the hot water.

He could swim but couldn't swim without goggles. So when under the water his eyes were not used to being open under the water. They found it very interesting. He found it interesting.

He swam for a while under the water until finally needing to come up for air. He gave a big sigh and a wide smile appeared on his face. He was so relaxed. He didn't think about anything or anyone else.

-This is great! I really needed this I wonder where there is soap or a sponge here- Pip went over to the waters edge near the taps in search of soap.

All of a sudden something grabbed his leg. Before he could even react it pulled him down into the water. It pulled him with such a force that Pip couldn't fight it off. He was being pulled at incredible speed. The pool was only a few meters deep they would have reached the bottom by now.

Pip tried to look at what had got him but he felt his head pushed back by what looked like a hand. It was a hand. He was sure it was, but he couldn't see if it was a man's hand or a woman's hand. It wasn't very big. It was the size of Pips head, which could only mean it, was from a child like himself.

But a child couldn't swim at such high speeds? Pip tried to bend over to push off the child's hand but was pushed back again. He was stuck he could barley see they were going at such a speed.

Then he heard it. That voice, a voice so recognizable yet had no idea who it came from.

'I must bring you with me Pip. You can't stay here. You must come with me Pip.' 

Pip unknowingly opened his mouth to reply in some way and sucked in water to his lungs.

Pip was in a swirly mess of being rushed back up to the surface and his brain trying to find some sort of air. His lungs filled with water and were about to swallow even more until he felt arms around his body and pushing him up from the water onto a cold solid surface.

Pip coughed as hard and as deeply as he could. He felt as if his whole body turned to jelly.

When he was finished he stared for a bit at the water underneath him that he just vomited out. The he heard a splash and a dark figure swim down to the bottom of the pool.

Pip gathering up all the courage he had and dived back in. Only to find the pool empty, it was the same 3-metre pool as before not an endless pit as the person was dragging him down.

He got out and opened a cupboard underneath one of the sinks and found towels. He then dried himself and let all the water go out down the plughole.

-Strange- Pip thought. -I never imagined people in heaven lived normal lives, eating watching TV having baths…- Pip thought of what was in the bath.

It was the voice earlier, the one that kept telling him not to take this job. -Why not? It just wants me not to be happy like my sister, everyone at school. Well I'll show her. I'll show all those stupid Americans! Always tearing me down, picking on me and beating me up. I'll show them I'll be happy! You watch! -

Pip then dried his hair with some form of hairdryer he found and got dressed in pyjamas he found under his pillow.

-Tomorrow everything changes-

Pip woke up to a bell. A loud bell that seemed too becoming from an intercom. When he rubbed his eyes he found it was an intercom.

-There is an intercom… On the top left hand corner of my bedroom. Why? Just… Why? –

'Hello, Hello, Hello! Good Morning fellow Mormons! First of the announcements I would like to congratulate Maggie O'Shea of Castles-town-end from Cork Ireland on her 219th birthday today! Have a happy birthday darling, and from all of us you don't look a day over 20. Second today is the arrival of Pip Phillip one of the few non-Mormon in heaven! He will be filling in for Jesus for the next while'

Pip stopped rubbing his tired eyes at the sound of his name.

'Pip is a 10 year old boy who is very brave for taking on this job! And from myself personally Pip, -huh huh- Good Luck!'

Pip didn't know why the voice was sniggering at him. Maybe it's because he was British, that's why the people on earth did. Even though they all thought he was French.

-I really dislike all those chaps- Pip thought to himself when he remembered all the names they called him.

He then recalled the angel Bob from yesterday saying to change into the clothes he gave him. Pip went into the kitchen where he put the bundle. His bare feet met with white title, but just like before when he noticed he changed clothes. He couldn't feel the cold.

-Peculiar… I can feel a hot bath yet cannot feel a cold floor- He picked up the bundle he left on the island counter. He held it up and found it to be a tunic of some sort.

When he was heading back to his bedroom he thought, -I remember those children I saw playing, they wore these, the women wore stolas and the men wore togas-

He dressed himself and looked at his reflecting in the room's long mirror. He didn't MIND the outfit. But preferred his old clothes. Preferably his cap, he missed his cap. He always wore it and felt part of him was missing without his little nerdy hat.

He heard a knock at the door. He went out through the hall and opened the oak door.

_-Greeting Mr Phillip, I am here to take you to the assembly. -_

His was the same bald microphone man as before! The only difference was that wings had grown on his upper back. They were identical to the young's mans wings. He still spoke into that God forsaken microphone.

'Hello again dear sir! But what assembly?'

-_'God has called all of heaven to witness your speech. You must convince them that you are as good a preacher of God as the last one was-_

'Wait. Preacher?'_ – Yes God's assistant is his messenger, so that means sending messages to Earth from him. Didn't you know that? -_

'Well. Yes. But I- _'Splendid dear one! We will head off immediately! - _'Oh alright then…'

He brought Pip through different clouds and different colours in the sky. Some purple some blue some orange, all bright and vibrant.

He brought Pip through a building with a huge glass dome ceiling. Then after leading him through countless corridors he showed him a door and said to him. _-Behind this door will be the population of heaven you will stand up at the podium and give your speech-_

'What? How can all of heaven fit in one room? What speech? No one told me anything about a speech? Why would they want to listen to me? I'm not special? Why am I doing this? Why AM I doing this? And WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SPEEKING INTO A MICROPHONE ALL THE TIME?'

_-All answers will come to you soon dear one. Oh and about the microphone. It's fucking badass to talk through a microphone-_

With those uninspiring words he left a confused tunic wearing Pip, whose only response to his words was a face-palm.

-All right Pip just… Relax, relax, and relax. Time to go inside it's not like anyone is really inside-

He turned the door handle and swung open the door ready to face the crowd. But he wasn't expecting a crowd. There was a crowd.

The door must have lead him outside back into the clouds and endless sunsets because well over a million people were flying in the sky clapping a cheering when he opened the door.

'PIP! PIP! PIP! PIP!' They chanted. All of the angels had white fluffy wings and all of them were wearing Roman style clothing.

Pip gulped. He walked onto a stage and sure enough a podium was bang in the centre just what the microphone man told him to go.

He walked over to the podium and realised that a microphone was there and since the crowd was starting to quieten down they expected him to speak.

'Um… Hello Mormons of heaven. I would like to thank you all on my behalf for coming to listen to my speech. I am not all that experienced at these inspirational speeches. So um… I am eternally grateful for being chosen as God's messenger or personal assistant for the time being anyway.

I want you all to know I will do my best to do whatever God wants me to do. I will not let him down or you all. No matter God wants me to do I will do it, I will make a promise to every single one of you. To all of heaven, I will do whatever God wants me to do. Praise Our Father. Amen.'

With that the crowd bust into cheer. Pip was then hurried off stage by lots of angels that were wearing black suits. If Pip didn't know any better he would say they were bodyguards.

They brought him backstage where there were lots of costumes on racks and mirrors and a snack table. Heaven had a lot of snack tables.

_-Well done Pip the crowd loved you! I think you won them over! The last preacher had to throw them out free hats to get them to like him. I guess the like you because you're a child. We've never had a child preacher before-_

'Oh ok then. Was it my speech that made them like me or was it the fact I am a child?' _-Child defiantly_- '… Oh.'

_-Well that's all you really have to do, not it's the actual job. Here- _The bald man handed Pip a big rolled up scroll and a marker.

Pip unravelled the scroll to find that it was a to do list. A VERY BIG to do list might I add. 'Oh my…' _–Yes now this has to be done by the end of the week so Today is Tuesday so by Saturday? –_

'Oh um ALL this done by Saturday?' –Yes is there a problem? – 'Oh no but what about Sunday couldn't I finish this by Sunday?' _-But hat is the Lords day of rest and our day of rest also. People from heaven are allowed to communicate to their loved ones back on earth on Sundays-_

Pip eyes widened. Really? So I can talk to anyone I want down on earth on Sundays? _-No, no, no, no you may send them small signs only-_

'Like what?' _–Well for instance my wife and I were married for ten years so I would make her computer screen flash ten times and the lights flicker ten times-_

'Wouldn't that not scare her a bit old chap?' _–Well yes now that you mention it she is now in a mental hospital- _He stared at his microphone not talking to Pip.

Pip decided to walk away leaving the man to dwell in his own problems_. _

–Lets see here,

1. Give speech to all of heaven, well that's done! - He marked that off the list with the marker.

-2. Go to Earth to India and got to the village Adq-Oh…

3. Send a message to the Vatican to rewrite section A.34 of the-Oh No…

the findings into the report on-OH NO NO NO!-

Pip kept on reading, and reading, and reading and it wound never seem to end.

One task caught his eye though.

65. Escort Mr. Abdul Muhyi from Hell as he converted to the Mormon religion at the last minute.

Escort from… Hell? Wait I have to go to… Hell? Why would it be a big deal? It's not a big deal! Not at all!

He was God's personal assistant! His preacher! His messenger! Pip wouldn't be scared of going to Hell…. Not at all…

At least he had a lot to do, before he had to go there. But first he'd better ask someone how to get to Earth… And which

way was the Vatican.

* * *

><p>THANKS FOR READING! The story should have moved it along quicker but it will. The next one won't be dragged out as long the whole bath scene just sort of came to me! (I hope it was semi-decent)<p>

Forgive me for any spelling mistakes or grammer! I'm trying to recheck everything but I keep missing a few.

I just I hope you enjoyed the story and if you did please review I would like to hear your feedback on how the story is going so far.


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